Have been feeling a little more stable the last couple of days. Annoyingly this comes with a relatively lesser need to vent and therefore less posts. Will need to do another posts about amazing songs tomorrow.
I just looked over my Facebook activity for the last week… I worry about myself. Call it paranoia and perhaps it is, but I have always been a little bit too bubbly, a little too quick to anger and a little two quick to change from irritable or bubbly to blue. I used to put it down to being a silly redheaded female, but I would be lying to say that I haven’t considered it to be something more, an illness more sinister.
For example tonight. I was angry. I don’t really know what triggered me. But it almost seemed I was all the sudden angry at the boyfriend, and at my parents for some reasons I could put words to and some I couldn’t, annoyed at this really persistent cough I have right now, and friggin pissed off to the point I wanted to break something that my keyboard is making it hard for me to type at the mo. A big deal? No. But I wanted to slam doors. I wanted to break glass.
And further to that, the last week or so in particular I’ve felt this need to argue, to create controversy and to get myself hyped on the adrenaline that comes with that. It’s so stupid though because I know following one of those sorts of adrenaline rushes I end up feeling like rubbish. I really worry that it’s all a sign of more to come.