Ahh drugs. As tiny as a grain of rice, but powerful enough to change your physiology in a matter of hours.
I find myself sitting here wishing that depression was (huh!) as simple as feeling the blues. I think there’s a pretty great underestimation of what dealing with depression actually entails. For you lucky buggers who have never been through this, sometimes the first little while trying new drugs, and the week or so after you start coming off drugs can be as difficult to deal with as the deep lows you’re trying to treat! Everything from head spins, nausea, vertigo, complete loss of libido, irritability and even increased suicidal thoughts… it’s a messy time, that’s for sure. And the first thing I said to the boyfriend a few days ago was simply this – Apologies in advance, there’s a good chance I’m going to become a massive bitch over the new few weeks. And like the gem he is, he understood.
Compared to a few posts back of a manic thousand words in an hour, this post has taken me half a day. The brain zaps have arrived. There’s no easy way to explain a ‘brain zap’, except that it almost feels like every time I move my head or even just my eyes, it’s like it takes a second longer for my brain to follow with it, like it’s caught on elastic for a second before is snaps back in its place. Other people have described it as feeling a little electric/chemical shock whenever they move, and this can be accompanied by a buzzing sound in the ears which I also am currently enjoying the experience of!!
The valium that I also received a prescription for is meant to help with this… and so this afternoon was the first time I popped a little yellow pill. Didn’t seem to do much so I followed up with a second one not long after. I can’t be sure it’s done much, but after reading more reviews (obsessed!!!) I also learned that omega 3s are meant to help relieve brain zaps… so I had a couple of tablespoons of flavoured fish oil that I just happened to have in the fridge from pre-vego days. Going vegetarian and having this massive drug overhaul has made me reconsider how much of key nutrients I’m getting in a day, so hopefully this positive change in diet will help.
But you know what? I’m so perturbed by these zappity zaps that I think I ought to leave it here for one night.
Oh but hey, PS. here’s my lazy way of educating you on how getting off mediocre drugs just to try and find a better one is an actual medical syndrome. And fully shit, as can be confirmed by a lot of people.